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Key Aspects to Consider Before Befriending Someone

Key Aspects to Consider Before Befriending Someone:

While some of us are super content with our handful of pals, others are gregarious butterflies- wanting to grow their circle by the day- by meeting new people to buddy up with. Although it’s a great practice to augment your social skills, it could sometimes be equally alarming and perhaps a menace to your emotional health. Especially if you end up befriending awry betties. Therefore, it’s imperative to be conscious of some key characteristics in people before giving them a chance with yourselves.

Now with that being said, of course friendship should transpire organically, we get it. When two people meet and just hit off, they grow liking for each other. The next thing you see is their flourishing friendship without caring or even judging each other whatsoever. But sister, most of these kinda friendships are bound to school life. You literally grow, together with your dear friend. You spend enough time to know them well enough. But once you’re past that phase in your life, things are drastically different and friendships could get a lot more complicated. Trusting people comes with a risk. Therefore, you better be well prepared and set standards before investing in people.

Based on psychology, characteristics mentioned below are some of the key ones to look for in people before investing in them:

  1. Self-Centered:

There’s certainly nothing unsound about loving ourselves, in fact self love is one of the most advised practices for well being. On the contrary, when people are self centered, they have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, arrogance, and a lack of empathy for others. You don’t want to invest in a person who is far too self centered to care for you. Everything in this world will revolve around them and their needs. They have the ability to turn your most special day about them. They make the worst listeners. So if you end up investing your time and hopes in a self centered person, then be ready to jeopardize the privilege of venting to a friend, cuz remember? It’s always about them and never about you. Obliterate having a special moment in their presence- even your birthday will somehow become about the new dress they bought for your special day. So if you don’t like the feeling of being invisible around your bestie, then make sure you identify them in order to avoid befriending them. A lot of times, we realize this when we get a little too far in friendships or in fact any kind of relationship. But what if you identify this in the beginning and not go far along? Save your affection and time for people who deserve it. Watch out for these signs of self-centrism in a person that you must avoid being friends with:

Source:

  1. They always view themselves as better than others including you,
  2. They have extremely strong opinions,
  3. They hide their insecurities and vulnerabilities,
  4. They have little empathy for others,
  5. They’re disinterested in your day,
  6. They’re not interested in activities that interests you,
  7. They make accusations and are often judgmental,
  8. They assume you’re always available.

 

  1. Liars:

Having an honest friend is priceless. Someone who can tell you how your bangs are cute but no-bangs look was even cuter. Someone who can show you a mirror when you’re adrift from your goal. Someone who’s honest opinion is all you ask for to make big decisions. Someone who will not care for the consequences but tell you what’s in their heart without fabricating it.

Now imagine a friend who is far from being honest. Someone who is always lying to you about their accomplishments. They’re lying about their plans to flake on you. Someone who lies about slight to sizeable things in life. Would you like to have a friend that makes such an impulsive liar? I don’t think so?

According to psych Central, pathological lying (PL) has been defined by the Psychiatric Times as a “long history (maybe lifelong history) of frequent and repeated lying for which no apparent psychological motive or external benefit can be discerned.” There is no real consensus on what pathological lying is and many people have developed their own definition. Pathological lying is something that has negatively affected many people, even professionals, who are often unaware of the psychiatric instability or personality disorder of the liar. (Some pathological liars may be psychopaths as well.)

When you befriend a person that is a pathological liar, you sure are oblivious that you’re about to trade your joy for dismay. These are some of the signs that a person will show if they’re a pathological liar:

  1. They lie so much that their statements are never the same,
  2. They don’t remember the things they say,
  3. They flake on you and always make up excuses,
  4. You can never rely on them,
  5. They are very capable of saying false things about you in front of other people and vice versa – so watch out.
  6. They boast about their false accomplishments in front of the world.
  7. They fake compliment you all the time.

 

  1. Self- Confidence:

Like red flags, you might also want to look out for green flags in people so that you don’t miss out on the chance to befriend them. Green flags are some signs that should captivate you towards people who are most likely to prove themselves as great friends.

Speaking of green flags, this is one of the traits these are most likely to make a person very stable in their relationships- self confidence. Self- confidence is contagious. Self confident people are secure in themselves and their abilities. They’re often the ones who never speak about their achievements and yet are always perceived as achievers. They are calmer and wiser – very robust to hang out with. Confident people never hide their insecurities; they are frank and honest about themselves. They make great companions. Spending time with confident group of people is highly advisable by psychiatrists for people with vulnerabilities. Value those friends who are secure with themselves. They will be the first ones to generously compliment you about your new flattering haircut, and also the first ones to honestly tell you about your not so flattering choice of dress. They know how to communicate effectively as this kind of people lack jealousy or zest for unhealthy competition. You can trust them, vent in front of them and count on them in the middle of the night. Also, they make the best secret keepers.

Like author Sarah Ockler once said; “Those are the friends you need to cherish, and I wouldn’t trade one of them for a hundred of the other kind. I’d rather be completely alone than with a bunch of people who aren’t real”.

 

  1. Sense of humor:

A good sense of humor is a sign of positive ethos in people. But again, “good” humor is a subjective concept. If a person trips and falls, it might be funny for some but not for others. Similarly, a goofy joke might not crack you up while might crack up your coworker. Its proven that people with similar humor can maintain everlasting friendships. Humor is a first step towards any friendship. If a person laughs at all your jokes, chances are they are very like-minded as you. Difference in humor can throw people off. Two good friends once parted ways because their humor was just not the same. An hour spent with each other was enough for them to realize how awkward they found each other’s company. Apparently, every joke said by one person offended other and vice versa.

Sense of humor can form a strong base in any relationship. You may want to spend your day with a friend in whose company you can crack up and be your complete bizarre self rather than being in the company of someone who you have to walk on eggshells with. Psychology says that there’s two categories of people that people never forget; a. The ones who fed them a great meal and, b. The ones who made them laugh. Therefore choose your friends wisely as they impact your days and even lives in huge ways.

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